Post by mchammer on Jan 31, 2006 16:04:38 GMT
Chuck Norris was not birthed like a normal child, instead he punched his way out of his mothers womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f**k with
Chuck!"
Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement
and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast
went deaf.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so
he can
"accidentally" beat the sh*t out of little kids.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced
Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who
just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris
calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them
in the face.
Crop circles are chuck norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down)
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f**k with
Chuck!"
Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement
and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast
went deaf.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so
he can
"accidentally" beat the sh*t out of little kids.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced
Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who
just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris
calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them
in the face.
Crop circles are chuck norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down)